Life is messy, and that is OK

This blog has been a long time coming...four months to be exact! The past few months have been nothing short of stressful for me, but I think routine is just around the corner and I cannot wait to get back into it.

I lost my home in a house fire in May, luckily no one was hurt and all of my fur babies were safe and sound. I was blown away from the support I received from such a wonderful community and I am forever grateful to those around me who were so kind.

Here is what no one warned me about losing my home in a fire...I am going to end up mentally exhausted and anxious because I have literally lost everything I own; I will end up HATING living in a camper all summer (even though I love being on my property); life seems incredibly stressful 90% of the time because you don't know how to rebuild your home; and my personal favorite is that you are so emotional you don't know how to feel about the smallest things. I cannot begin to explain how difficult things have been and my physical as well as mental health has suffered in a few ways from the experience.

I have lost things before, as I am sure many others have, I have been through a divorce, lost family members to illness, and had to say goodbye to a friend who died too young. Those were all difficult to do. They seemed painful but losing your home is just overwhelming. It never seems to end. The process of replacing what you lost, grieving over the things you cannot replace, and the idea of starting over can be daunting.

You can't relate with someone very well until you have walked in their shoes. I have gone through tremendous sorrow, experienced numbness, and felt like some days I just want to run away. I have gone through times in the last few months where I have loved to workout, and other times where I have just felt too mentally drained to drag my butt to the gym. I have shifted my focus to understanding that I need to take care of myself right now and that this feeling of mental instability will pass. I have had nights where the only thing I have eaten is ice cream and days when I ran out of propane and was so sad I really didn't eat at all.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think the universe only gives people what they can handle and we are presented with challenges that result in lessons learned. Life is messy, sometimes it isn't fair, other times it is just an asshole! But to those who are going through something hard right now I want you to feel like it is OK to cut yourself a break. Sometimes you need to be sad without feeling guilty that your normal routine is shaken up. Sometimes you need to eat KD and hot dogs. Life will settle down again, your routine will come back, and you will feel stronger because you survived. No one expects you to be perfect after a loss and the most important thing is to remember the lessons the hardship will teach you.